(Source: goodreads.com, via danseurs)
n. frustration that you’re not enjoying an experience as much as you should, even something you’ve worked for years to attain, which prompts you to plug in various thought combinations to try for anything more than static emotional blankness, as if your heart had been accidentally demagnetized by a surge of expectations.
There are so many empty spaces in the span of a lifetime, those long periods of nothingness, of waiting for someone or something to fill them and they seem to stretch on for what feels like forever. So many lonely nights, dinner for one, cold sheets without an extra body to fill them, books that go half-finished because there isn’t enough concentration left to absorb them. The loneliness clenches itself around your heart like a fist and you feel like the dust you were created from; disappearing when the light hits you just so. Patience, you tell yourself. Patience. The word becomes something like low tide; you wade out as far as you can before you’re up to your neck, barred at the gates.
